Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Holy shit dude........stairs
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
