I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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