What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
