Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
whose ass print is on the piano?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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