i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize