We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
