i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
