plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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