Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Still dying that you shit outside
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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