saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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