forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Tornado booty call.. dedication
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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