You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
