he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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