anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
