I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
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