I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
