well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
When are your genitals available?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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