Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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