Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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