the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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