How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
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If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
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You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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