i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
