i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES