Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.