Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.