and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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