I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.