if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
