so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Randomize
