1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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