Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If I die, sorry about rent.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
