Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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