no, he came in my armpit
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
