I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
