Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
