The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Drunk is a universal language darling
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
