Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
