You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
