I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
