I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
