I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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