Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
