all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
