I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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