I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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