Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
