Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
