If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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