We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
