in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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