well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
