I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
