Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Let's get the cat blown out
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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