just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
