If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
