We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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