At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My vagina is officially offended.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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