It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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