How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
