his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
