Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
